She was floored. He had held the
car door open for her. He was taking her out to dinner. He was driving and she
was sitting beside him. They reached their destination. He again got out and
held the car door for her. Then he escorted her inside, and held the chair for
her. Rutuja was liking every bit of this and a smile was playing on her lips
all the time. What was she thinking? – “Serves him right, for not helping me
around in the house?” Was this her way of paying back? What was he thinking? Was he showing his respect
for her, was he being servile or was he just engaging in a typical PDA, or was
he showing how he had an upper hand over her, in a subtle way?
Elsewhere, Monica was in a café
with her boyfriend. They were engaged to get married. Both were earning the
same salary. She suggested they should go Dutch. He said he would pay one day
and she, the next. He said, they were in it together, and nothing was solely
his or hers. They would take care of their expenses together.
Shuchita was an independent
consultant and worked from home. Her meetings with clients (who were mostly
male, purely a matter of coincidence) were at Starbucks or a CCD or any other
central. mutually convenient place. Every meeting though, ended with her male
counterparts footing the bill. She did try to ‘pay’, but her efforts were
politely ignored. She does not know, whether that’s normal or not, she does not
know whether she should feel good or not if they don’t allow her to pay the
bill.
Gender stereotypes are not a new
thing. While men are built by Nature to shoulder most of the work that requires
strength, largely physical, women are built by Nature to nurture and take on
most of the soft roles.
You still find great women
drivers who can do a parallel parking with amazing ease and back up equally
smoothly without brushing against that quintessential pillar. There are women
who change flats with a jack just as easily. The daily wage woman labourer too
carries heavy loads while straddling an infant on her waist or in a cloth
sling. In villages, women fetch water in 10 and 20 litre buckets/handis easily and
daily, sometimes even twice a day. Closer home, women are proving their mettle
physically and mentally – look at our Rio Olympic record – wrestling, vaulting,
badminton – all physically tough games and not a man in sight where medals were
concerned. In corporate boardrooms, women are superseding the men or maintaining
shoulder length with the men, at the same time taking care of home and hearth.
Men on the other hand, are also
seen doing their duties at home, also taking on classic women roles. The house
husband who works from home and takes care of the baby without a babysitter, while
the wife is away at work, I have a neighbour, who does. The husband who makes
it a point to make the first cuppa for his wife every single day; the husband
who cannot drive and does not see it as a blow to his ego, again, I have
another neighbour here; then there is the young man who treats his girlfriend
/wife with equal respect, even in front of his parents or guests and does
partake his share of the load at home. The husband who takes care of weekly
groceries or who makes the bed or takes care of the laundry load as a practise.
Gender equality is taking on
different meanings, the right ones perhaps.
And this is a welcome thought. Why
after all, should equality mean that a woman should need to smoke or drink just
to prove that she is as good as a man? She should do it out of her own choice
and not out of compulsion. Why should men not pick up their own plates or cups after
they are done? Why should the man hold the door or chair for a woman just
because his forefathers did it or that is what makes him look good as a man?
Gender equality should not be out
of compulsion or to prove a point or to reduce the male ego or to establish
feministic supremacy. It should be the freedom to choose what the man or woman
wants to do with his or her life, work, chores, daily habits. It definitely
should not be a pseudo thing, this equality bit. . But then there are other more
naturally occurring phenomenon and questions. What if the husband wants a child
and the woman does not? The husband cannot, even if he wishes too, carry a
child right? How does a couple deal with this one then?
Movies like The Intern and Ki
& Ka are handling this subject from a modern perspective. TV Commercials
like ‘Share the Load’ are doing their bit in establishing certain norms for
equality in this day and age.
Between a couple, married or not,
gender equality should at best be ‘respect’ for each other. Levelling off and
arriving at a happy, common ground, rather than fighting over one-upmanship or
one-upwomanship. Different strokes for different couples.
After all, men are from Mars and
women are from Venus, so same difference, what say? But lest we forget, men and
women still love to meet on Earth, ain’t that enough?
What are your views on gender
equality? How do you as a couple get to a common, happy ground. Do you feel
that we can eventually get to a point where there is complete gender equality?
